Author: Ali Carras

I have to document that prior to having kids I’d see moms doing certain things and I’d think to myself “I wonder why she would do that? If I had a baby/kid I would do {insert something opposite from what the mom was doing}.” Well, now that roles have reversed I can understand exactly why all these different moms did what they did. Moral of the story: don’t judge moms if you don’t have kids. I did and I shouldn’t have.

This has been one heck of a week. Nursing strike (strike from baby, not from someone who wears these) and our water heater went on the fritz so I had to take an ice cold shower to which baby heard me squeal and scream and was probably traumatized. And now the heat outside is taking over. Poor Oslo, it is hard to be a black dog on a hot day.

But, Cdawg made a killer beef brisket when I was feeling low on iron and baby is now scooting backwards. She is becoming an independent woman! Life is good.

My sister’s family has this great dinner tradition of going over everyone’s “roses and thorns” from the day…highlighting the good and the bad events (with a few dandelions every now and then). I love this idea. When you are having a rough day and feel like it is full of only thorns it is good/nice to reflect on the little bits of positivity. Since it has been 239859327532 months since I last posted on this here blog I thought I’d list a few roses and thorns from all that we’ve done over the past few months to help me summarize life as it has been.

Roses:

I’d have to say, life with baby is so rewarding and fulfilling and love filled and changes daily and draining and exciting and fun and scary and inspiring all the same time. This little person has filled me with a love like I’ve never felt before. Her big gummy grin with her big fat cheeks just gets me. Have kids. They are worth it. You get to see life again from a new/fresh perspective which is so awesome when you get stuck in your own head doing things the way you’ve always done them.

My mom is an incredibly strong woman and I want to be like her when I grow up. She has been doing so great with her bladder cancer surgery #2 and chemotherapy. And, although she doesn’t feel well after rounds of “poison” she doesn’t complain.

Spending my first mother’s day with my mom.

Ctron is always a rose. And to top it off he is a rose who knows how to cook and the food he makes is way beyond anything I can ever dream of. I’ve made dinner maybe like a handful of times since baby arrived. Not sure what I’d do without Ctron.

Getting to spend the first half of baby’s life in so many different spots. 2 weeks in Palm Springs at 2 months of age, 3 weeks in Olympia at 3 months, 1 week in Colorado at 4.5 months then 2 more weeks in Palm Springs. She is an awesome travel buddy.

Friends getting engaged and having their nuptials at one of my very favorite places on earth.

Friends/family having babies.

Thorns:

Post partum hair loss. I had like five strands of hair before I had a baby and now I’m down to a Homer Simpson look. Plus, of the few I have that might be new/growing back they are coming in a beautiful gray. I don’t mind gray hair but I’m kind of not ready to be fully gray. I’m too young for that. And of course a good chunk is right in the front where I normally part my hair. So, I’ve started to part my hair on the other side as a cheap fix. It feels weird.

Trying to juggle work and baby. I don’t know how single mothers do it. I don’t know how working moms do it. I don’t know how moms without a Ctron do it…and our baby is easy! If anyone has any tips on ways to balance life, baby and work I’d love to hear. We have not yet gone the many/daycare route purely for financial reasons but we may have to give it a shot. I can’t quite get work done during the day but I also shouldn’t stay up until 1 or 2am every night.

Car died. That was stressful and expensive. But, we got a new/used bright red Volvo which is what you do when you start a family. And I wear mom jeans in my volvo (actually, the volvo is awesome so that is a good thing, not bad).

Dandelions:

Still not sure where we should end up. I just can’t yet let go of the bay area but I also know that I’d love to raise baby in a different environment that encompasses a simpler life. This indecision makes our head spin but it is also exciting. I still want to go the live in an RV route but I know that isn’t practical.

I really have to incorporate a few more things in my day where I can be inspired or creative (beyond just looking at pinterest) so I think I need to take more photos of something other than a baby, paint or sew again (woot!) and blog! So, here is me saying I hope to blog more. (side note: I wrote this post like two weeks ago and am just adding to the blog so the “blogging more” is going to be slow but I AM going to do it! I need to for my soul).

If you have not guessed it by now, we had our baby…little baby girl Freya was born on October 30^th and to say we are overjoyed is an understatement (I seriously mean that!!).  We’ve had a few amazing weeks and some time to adjust to the transition of life with baby and now that the third round of company is gone and our lives are a little quieter I’m able to get back to reality (in small doses). Each day I have a goal of one thing I’d like to accomplish and while most days the task of showering will be enough today I told myself I MUST jot down her birth story before I forget it all, even if I have to do it one handed and it takes me several hours. So, here goes:

October 29: 7:30am. I woke up feeling like I had to pee and maybe couldn’t hold it in. Little did I know this urge was my water breaking (super anticlimactic!).  I went to the bathroom, walked Oslo for a mile or two and when I returned home my “systems” just felt different. I had a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions during the pregnancy so it was hard for me to know if these feelings were more of the same or not. Nonetheless, I semi ignored it all and started working at my job like I normally do (I’m a dork). When C woke up I told him things were “feeling different” and of course being the logical person he is he said I should call the hospital. I called and they said to come in. So, I lollygagged…and worked some more (major dork!). We left around noon and luckily the roads were clear …one thing I feared as much as labor…the drive to the hospital in rush hour traffic! (and just for the purpose of journaling this I have to add that C did miss the exit to the hospital, ha!) The gals in triage took a test and indeed my water had broken. So, the party was about to begin. I went to Continue reading “the birth story”

Yup, we are now at 39 weeks. I have had a life beyond just getting bigger and I probably should have documented a lot of the goings on so I don’t forget all the wonderful/challenging events (mental note: amazing baby shower, family visiting, mom’s bladder cancer, “foodie-moon,” food trucks etc) but I’ve been slacking. I’m going to pull the pregnancy card on this one. Maybe I’ll get to these at some point…

But for now I told myself I need to document a little of how this pregnancy thing has gone for me before I forget it all. So here I go (in no particular order):

• The one comment I’ve appreciated the most from strangers and family/friends is “You look healthy.” Hopefully these have been genuine comments but compared to anything else anyone has ever said the “healthy” made me feel really good.
• The food aspect to being pregnant hasn’t been as fun as I thought it might be. Not sure why exactly but part of it may be due to questioning too much whether what I was eating was good or not…and over thinking things. Having a “glucose intolerance” (i.e. borderline gestational diabetes) at first was frustrating and I didn’t know what I should be eating, but then it helped guide me with portion size and quantities of certain foods that would best for me and ultimately I think it was a blessing in disguise because it forced me to eat lots of protein all day long….when normally I probably wouldn’t. The downside is I have a major sweet tooth and crave fruit juice, cinnamon rolls and anything with salted caramel in it….all of which I haven’t touched in months.
• I had a moment last night where I was really thankful that we decided not to move. We majorly debated on where we should be and why we shouldn’t stay in our loft but at the moment I’m really glad we stayed put. Part of it is probably because a number of our neighbors either recently had babies or are having kids so the “vibe” in the building is changing but also I think mentally I’m just happy to be here…for now (not forever).
• The Thomas’ pumpkin spice english muffins are really good.
• I loved the moment when my family was leaving after our baby shower weekend and my sister and I had a weepy girly exchange (which we don’t usually do) because the “Assi” she had always known was becoming a “Mama Assi.” Thank you, sista, for having this moment with me.
• Being pregnant in hot hot heat is painful…and makes you swell. Thank goodness the bay area has such a temperate climate.
• Since I work from home and don’t have a super social life on a day to day basis I’ve loved that strangers will talk to you.
• On the flip side, I’d say I’ve become a major hermit in some ways…especially during the first trimester.
• I’m proud that I helped Cdawg with his work up through my 8th month. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to deal with several 12 hour days on my feet in the heat, lugging camera gear around and such but I did it and I felt great.
• The baby ALWAYS kicks when it hears Katy Perry. Uh oh.
• People always ask what cravings I’ve had…and my pregnancy brain can’t remember. So I have to document: greek, ethiopian and mexican foods, french dip, cheesy pizza and anything sweet. If I had my way I’d also spend my days eating nothing but fruit with maybe some greek food on the side…ha!
• I’ve really appreciated how amazing friends/family have been through the entire process. The sense of community, sharing and love that comes with having a kid is incredible. I hope I can share the love with others.
• I have not worn jeans in 8 months. Dressing myself has been a challenge (thank goodness for clothes from Emiliana!!)
• I have lots of gray hairs but am not doing anything about it.

If you had asked me last week if I was ready I’d say no way…not talking about ready with material things but mentally I just wasn’t ready. I had a few moments feeling anxious, questioning whether I could handle being a mom and such but as of this week my mind has quieted and I feel like I’m in a good place. You can never really be ready and I have no idea what we are really in for but mentally I’m in a good place. We are certainly not in the clear until baby comes and who knows what sort of card we’ll be dealt but I’m in a good place and am excited. Bring it baby!

T-minus one month until the elusive due date. Yes, I grunt and groan like a man and I’ve been pulling the pregnancy card more and more but overall I’m feeling great and not waddling (yet!). One pregnant woman story: I was playing ball with Oslo one day and his ball got stuck under one of our cabinets. So this pregnant woman got down on the hard cement floor in an odd corner of our place to get the ball and she couldn’t get back up. A few minutes later Cooper comes looking for me and I’m just on the ground floundering like a fish out of water. Good times.

This ain’t no spoof photo. We are growing a mini Cdawg/Ali…27 weeks to be exact!

Although we are not in the clear yet (not until baby comes out), we are thrilled. The entire baby growing process is so incredible…I have no idea what is going on or how do deal with it all but it is just happening! Due date is Nov 2nd but I’m hoping for an Oct 31 arrival. As I tell my nieces…if it comes on Halloween then maybe the baby will come out wearing a hairless rat costume. Ha! (the look on their faces when I said this was priceless). We don’t know if it is a boy or girl so it will be a surprise for one and all. Just keep your fingers crossed that all goes ok for us. All I can say is I LOVE being pregnant during the summer in the bay area…the produce tastes better than ever!

10 things I’ve done/seen/observed lately in no particular order:

1.) Went home to Colorado. I loved walking in the early morning with my mom. I am my mom. We both really enjoy eating corn.

2.) Have had 7 nosebleeds in a week and a half. I blame 6 of them on the dry Colorado air and one on stabbing myself in the nose while playing with the dog. The best attack came on 2 minutes before a conference all for work. Thank goodness it wasn’t a video call.

3.) Prime steaks. Nectarines.

4.) Witnessed a snatch and grab robbery while on BART. Note to self: if you are ever in your own world looking at your iphone it is prime time for someone to swipe it out of your hands and run away. I wish I had reacted fast enough and tripped the guy running off the train. I also heard something outside our window but can’t mention what it was because then my parents would want me to move away from the bay area, ha!

5.) Tea with a long time friend. Good for the soul.

6.) Came home after leaving Cron for a week and found he had installed a DISHWASHER! And it was FREE! I am a new woman thanks to that contraption and thanks to Ctron.

7.) Got stabbed in the hip by a bee. My hip developed this great, big, itchy welt on it for days. Thank you bee. I still love you.

8.) Just being with family. Although we are collectively a bit intense at times we’ve got spirit and spirit keeps you going.

9.) Seeing the best aerial view of SF from the plane. Wish I had had my camera handy. The lighting was magical.

10.) Listening to the symphony outside. This summer we’ve listened to the SF Symphony, happened upon the NY Symphony rehearse (in Vail) and watched the SF ballet dance to the symphony at Stern Grove. Makes me feel fulfilled.